Category: Life Lessons

De-cluttering life

Posted on | by Alexander Gilmore

Messes, messes, oh the messes.  Remembering what it was like when we had several young homeschooled children, I remember being baffled about the extent of the messes.  It wasn’t like that in my house growing up.  Oh right, we’re homeschooling!  On top of regular toys, we have educational toys and workbooks and videos and art supplies, etc.  And we’re home all day using them!  This became a real source of stress for me and for the children when I was angry and upset about their messes.  

I read a brilliant idea in a parenting book (I think it was “Parenting With Love and Logic” but I could be wrong) called “Gunny Bag”.  Gunny Bag in my case was a pillowcase with a scowly face drawn on it.  The purpose of Gunny Bag was to sneak into their rooms (via Mom) and collect everything that was lying about on the floor that shouldn’t be there.  Those things could be retrieved from the jaws of Gunny Bag by doing chores for Mom or by paying $ to get them back.  

Is this your life?

I’m not sure how much it really helped with keeping rooms cleaner, but it did teach them what they valued.  And as a mother, I learned what sorts of things each child valued and what things they could easily let go of.  That helped me know what sorts of purchases were valuable and what would end up being a waste of money.  I’m not sure what they learned or if it was just a fun game for them, but I do know that with 4 adult children now, they’ve all demonstrated the ability to discern between things they value and want to keep and what they can let go of.  They don’t agonize about getting rid of things that aren’t serving them anymore (like their mom and dad sometimes do).

But I realize I’m getting better at that because of my LifeLine training; because in LifeLine living, we learn to let go of old limiting beliefs and patterns that we once treasured, valued, and needed and replace them with a tidier way of living.  We replace anger, frustration, anxiety, depression, etc. into acceptance, understanding, patience, love, joy, peace, etc.  Sometimes we recognize the old patterns for the garbage that they are, like the dried up markers, headless Barbies, and games with missing pieces.  We also recognize what used to have value but is no longer serving us like old and frayed toothbrushes, outgrown toys, partnerless socks, and well-worn but now holy shoes.

So let’s do a Gunny Bag for the mind exercise together!  Think of an automatic, emotional response that you recognize as garbage (modeled for you as a child so it became yours but you don’t want it) or as something that used to have value for you but is now getting in the way of your progress (in life or in relationships).  Either way, we’ve learned and grown from these patterns and so we can say:

“Thank you subconscious for the gifts of _____________________ (your pattern), but I no longer need it.  I now have the tools, strategies, and support to think, feel, and act with love.  I am _________________(your replacement pattern).  Infinite love and gratitude.”  Then let your heart’s intention guide you into your daily living with that new pattern.  It’s work, yes.  But sometimes bringing out Gunny Bag is just what we need to bring awareness to our feelings and behaviors and determine their value in our lives.  And those , my friends, are messes worth cleaning up.

Love and light to you,

Lisa

lifelinewithlisa@gmail.com

If you would like more support please email me to schedule a session.

Activating Your Superpower

Posted on | by Lisa Gilmore

I began my brisk walk on the trail like usual, a podcast cued up and ready to play at 1.2x speed, ready to burn some fat and learn something valuable.  I only do this form of exercise once/week and look forward to it.  As I rounded a corner, the view caught me off guard.  This is a view I see (or don’t see) every week.  The different shades of green from the different trees, weeds and grass, blue sky.  I stopped the podcast.  I slowed my walk.  I took some deep breaths.  I noticed the birds singing and saw them flit between trees.  The wind made everything move and shimmer.  The sunlight amplified the shades of green.  I felt like I was in a sacred grove.  I felt connected to the beauty around me.  I felt grateful.  I felt warm and radiant.  I felt in awe.

My therapist daughter recently introduced me to polyvagal theory which corresponds with what I’ve been teaching and practicing concerning our parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems.  The above moment would be considered a ventral vagal state, which correlates to the parasympathetic healing state. https://themovementparadigm.com/how-to-map-your-own-nervous-sytem-the-polyvagal-theory/ This website has great info and a neat chart if you want to know more. 

Both parasympathetic and sympathetic are part of the autonomic nervous system.  That means that they react to stimuli automatically.  But there are some things we can do to consciously get ourselves out of the rushed, hectic, frenzied, worrisome, stressful state (sympathetic).  The parasympathetic state is one in which digestion, regeneration, detoxification, and healing occur.

Being in sympathetic state isn’t bad; it’s necessary at times, daily in fact.  We use it everyday to move, work, play sports, take on challenges, etc.  But we aren’t designed to sustain that state long term.  Doing so wears away at our physical, mental, and spiritual health.  Imagine the world with us all being Hulks most of the time!  We aren’t doing anyone any favors.  That Hulk mode is a superpower–to be used sparingly.  

Sometimes switching states feels subtle and flowing.  You spend time working on an urgent project or at a high stress job and then you take a break, eat, go for a walk.  Later you go home and relax, connect with loved ones and meditate.  Other times the switch feels like Hulk.  You’re calm and pleasant one moment and then turn mean, defensive, and irritable in an instant because of something someone says.  Just like Hulk, we need training.  Most of us need to practice slowing down and getting into healing mode (zen). It’s ok to be in “go, go, go, gotta get it done” mode for part of the day, but how many of us end up doing that all day?  

Studies show that “insufficient Parasympathetic activity with excessive Sympathetic activity (a typical result of persistent stress, including psychosocial stress) may suppress the immune system, over stimulate the production of oxidants leading to excessive oxidative stress, raise blood pressure, promote atherosclerosis, cause persistent inflammation, accelerate diabetes, promote atherosclerosis, and accelerate the onset of heart disease, kidney disease, or dementia.” https://franklincardiovascular.com/overactive-sympathetic-nervous-system/#:~:text=Insufficient%20Parasympathetic%20activity%20with%20excessive,blood%20pressure%2C%20promote%20atherosclerosis%2C%20cause

I looked up articles in PubMed but there’s too many to list. 

I now allow myself time each day, several times a day to enter into this healing state.  We can spend a lot of time and money doing things to encourage this state; and we can do simple, free things as well.  As the above story illustrates, we can simply stop multitasking and focus on one thing, being really present.  We can take deep breaths.  We can watch a sunrise or sunset and smile.  We can connect with those we love.  We can enjoy a pet or nature. Light exercise.  Eat slowly, noticing the flavors and textures.  Hold hands with a loved one.  Gaze at the stars.  Hum a tune. “Take time to smell the roses.” These are some of the things we can create habits of doing often.  

I also use some therapies to aid my transition into a healing state.  BrainTap and light therapy are probably my favorites.  I’m using my DNA Vibe right now as I type this for light therapy.  I use an infrared sauna often.  BrainTap helps me get deep sleep at night or during a midday nap.  Sleep is critical for healing and regeneration.  I rarely wake up to an alarm and let my body awake naturally when ready.  I take vitamins to lower my cortisol level when needed.  I use adaptogenic mushrooms and Vit. D to enhance my immune system.  I fast for 3+ days quarterly to boost autophagy and stem cell production.  I eat low inflammatory foods…usually, lol.  I exercise regularly.  These are just more ideas that may speak to you.

My challenge this month is for each of us to choose at least 3 things to implement into our schedules that activate our healing power.  Improve the quality and quantity of that innate power and you’ll find yourself loving yourself, your life, and others even more.

All my Love,

Lisa Gilmore

lifelinewithlisa@gmail.com

What is your Programming? By Lisa Gilmore

Posted on | by Lisa Gilmore

Computer Programmers

I used to hear and repeat the idea that:  “You can’t control what happens to you, but you always have a choice in how you respond.”  I now believe that only partially.  I’ve learned that I/we all have programs running that cause us to act automatically in certain ways.  If something happens automatically, there’s no conscious thinking involved; therefore, how can one choose a reaction before an automatic one happens?  Sometimes there is no choice.  So the key to conscious living (one that is intentional and full of choice) is found in the programming.

Just like a computer, our programming can change as well.  

Sometimes the computer just updates, making minor changes to keep things functioning smoothly.

Sometimes new programs are created to fit a need or desire of a community.

Sometimes the computer crashes and renders much of it useless.

How do we change our programming–our automatic responses that no longer serve us, those we love, or the world at large?

Let’s begin by changing our language.  Let’s begin to take ownership of the life we’re living.  We often do things we don’t want to do because of obligation, duty, sacrifice, or love.  And those can be honorable choices, so I didn’t include “I want to” in the list below as I believe choosing is more powerful than wanting.

Instead of: Change to:

“I have to…” “I choose to…” or “I choose not to…”

“I should…” “I choose to…” or “I choose not to…”

“I don’t have enough (money, time, etc)” “I choose other priorities”

“I can’t” “I choose not to” or “I can’t…yet!”

Next, let’s begin to be aware of what programs we’re running.  Many programs are designed for survival, to keep us safe.  In fact, we are hardwired for survival.  The limbic brain is the part of the brain that holds the “fight, flight, or freeze” response.  Thanks to the hippocampus and amygdala, our memories are stored in such a way that the most traumatic ones are kept alive and waiting for us to pull from to keep us wary of other similar experiences.  The normal, daily, happy life experiences get stored in long term memory. The traumatic ones stay in short term memory and become the programs that we run automatically, whether helpful or not.  The problem is that most of us aren’t in life/death situations every day in which we need the survival programs running; but the stress (or what we perceive as stress) in our lives keeps them active as if we were.

So it’s time to begin to analyze our programs.  Next time you notice an automatic response (behavioral or emotional) to a trigger/stimulus, ask yourself this question:  “Would I ever consciously choose to feel like this or behave like this?”  If the answer is “yes,” keep it.  It might just be saving your life.  If your answer is “hell no!” then it’s time for an upgraded program.

Just a tip here:  when you find a program you can say “hell no” to, first be grateful for it.  It’s kept you alive and well.  In LifeLine we say, “Thank you, subconscious, for the gift of this protection.”  

The next essential step in reprogramming is to decide what the new program is you want to run.  This one is your choice.  What’s the next best version of  yourself?  How would that next best version of you feel and behave?  Who would you choose to be in the face of that trigger/difficulty?  What would you choose?  Then we can say, after thanking ourselves for the gifts of protection, “I now have the tools, strategy, and support to think, feel, and act with love.  I am__________, feeling ____________.”  That will become the new program.  Granted, it still needs lots of repetition to replace the old pattern, but that’s where we start.  

Every LifeLine session begins that way.  We acknowledge the old pattern and bring in a new one.  Then we find the areas of the subconscious that are not in agreement with the new pattern and get them on board.  These include finding areas of imbalance, gifts of protection, elements of change, expression channels, and holding patterns.  It’s an amazing process. 

 Sometimes we just need an upgrade. Sometimes we need a brand new program that we’ve never considered.  Sometimes we need to completely reboot.  No matter what, changing our language and our programs will help us become the next best version of ourselves.  And isn’t that what life is all about?  Growth and improvement?  I also acknowledge grace in my life.  There are times that grace and mercy have intervened and changed me.  I also believe we’ve been given stewardship of our own bodies and life creations.  We are creators and co-creators once we become aware enough to choose.  May we all awake and arise to conscious living a little more each day by improving our programs is my challenge this month.  

Love and light to you all,  

Infinite love and gratitude,

Lisa

lifelinewithlisa@gmail.com

Imperfection By Lisa Gilmore

Posted on | by Lisa Gilmore | 4 Comments on Imperfection By Lisa Gilmore

I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection.  My favorite line from it so far  “As a recovering perfectionist and aspiring good-enoughist…” describes myself very well.  She clarifies the difference between healthy striving to be our best and perfectionism.  Perfectionism is actually armor we choose for protection and a mask we choose to hide behind.  The book gives great tools and help for overcoming perfection, so if you’re interested in that, please invest in her book.  Now for part of my journey with this.

I wouldn’t say my perfectionism was all-consuming in my life.  My home has never been perfectly organized and clean.  My meals are usually slapped together and casually presented.  My hair is usually pulled back into the easiest, most comfy, practical ponytail.  So why do I think I have struggled with perfectionism?  Straight A’s since the 3rd grade.  Voted “most likely to succeed” as a senior.  Dutifully signing up for every service opportunity that came my way.  Those are all fine and dandy, so….

How I know that these were laced with the drug of perfectionism is because of my feelings.  Despite all of these good things, I felt misery.  I was never really happy with myself or my situation.  

Another semester of all A’s:  “Who cares, there’s another one coming to prepare for and a GRE to study for.”

Voted most likely to succeed:  ”So what, now the real work begins.”

Serving/volunteering at every chance:  no conscious thoughts about this one.  Just a pattern for me to be “good” and distract myself from caring for and loving myself.

I began to notice my perfectionism patterns after reading another of Brown’s books called Daring Greatly because of the level of shame she helped me identify in my life.  So it’s been a journey since then.  I noticed myself apologizing for the state of my house if someone popped by.  I found myself apologizing to the family about the meals I made.  I discovered that it felt excruciatingly hard to say “no” to anyone.

When I recognized those patterns in my life I decided to outwardly change them.  I committed to myself that I would never apologize about those things again.  If someone doesn’t like my housekeeping, they don’t need to come over or they can do it themselves.  If I burn dinner or make a simple one-pot meal I might say:  “Oops.  I burned dinner.  If you don’t want to eat it that’s fine.” Or “Dinner is simple tonight.”  It was so easy for me to start or finish those sentences with “Sorry”, but why feel sorry when I did my best?  The “sorry” was really a declaration of shame.  What I learned to do is separate my failings from my self-esteem/self-worth.

Making those changes has improved my life significantly. Now I tend to sit awhile on decisions to help someone, and decide if it’s something that resonates with my mission/purpose/passion at the time.  Is there anyone else more qualified to help?  Can I give myself fully and joyfully to this situation?  Is the need real or pretended, exaggerated or inflated?  

After a year of improvement, it was time to level up again.  This time by way of a trigger.  I took on the role of “team mom” of my 6th grade daughter’s basketball team.  I was mostly there to encourage and provide bandaids; that fit my nature and desire to be helpful.  But one day the head and assistant coaches didn’t make it to practice.  I was in charge. I’ve never played basketball!  I was so angry after that pre-game practice!  When I dove deeper–past the blame game–I discovered the underlying belief of “not good enough.”  Just as a tip, they say if you’re angry, it’s a cover emotion for something much deeper and not necessarily about the person you’re angry at; it’s all about you.

As a LifeLine practitioner, my way of dealing with such things is to run a session with myself. The intention I chose:  “I am enough; feeling successful and confident.”  I was able to drop the judgment, fear, and anger I was experiencing and back to a place of loving what is.  For me, a miracle happened that I totally wasn’t expecting.  Our team won 3 games in a row, when they hadn’t won a game yet.  Granted, there were lots of variables to create that, but what if my hidden limiting emotion of “not good enough’ emanated from me, contributing to the previous losing season.  What if my shift to “I am good enough” radiates outward to my family and friends?  That would be amazing.  But the shift within me is enough.  

I’ve now added to my mantra “feeling fulfilled” as I’ve needed to do another round with this one.  I now feel the added weight of the perfection armor lightening and the mask lowering and enjoying the process.

Keep shining bright!

I’m here for you if you need support.

lifelinewithlisa@gmail.com

A Slave to Programming

Posted on | by Alexander Gilmore

Sow a thought, reap an action.
Sow an action, reap a habit.
Sow a habit, reap a character.
Sow a character, reap and eternal destiny.

What happens before thought? Where do your thoughts come from? Unfortunately most people don’t know the truth is that your thoughts come from your subconscious mind which can be difficult to penetrate and uncover. Most of this subconscious is from programs of biological survival and other cultural and social programs that are inoculated into your mind mostly from the ages of 0-6 years. Many people get stuck in these limiting patterns of behavior that can rob joy from life and create ill health suffering and disease.

Now is an opportunity for all of humanity/ Gods children on earth to wake up to the divinity within that can change these patterns through the power of God which is infinite love and gratitude. As you apply this infinite power to the exact areas needed, where you have internalized, lost, denied or disconnected from, the pattern of suffering can be broken and a new life can emerge.

What areas of your life are you experiencing something less then perfection? Are you willing to grow and change? Come set an intention deeply into your being through a Group LifeLine session this Sunday afternoon at 3pm. Join us live or virtually via Zoom. Your energy can make a difference not only through personal growth and influencing those in your immediate circle, but also through quantum entanglement to everyone everywhere.

“An amygdala hijack refers to a personal, emotional response that is immediate, overwhelming, and out of measure with the actual stimulus because it has triggered a much more significant emotional threat”.   
– Coined by Daniel Goleman in his 1996 book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ 

 As you can imagine, getting hijacked is not ideal if you want to establish new habits, behaviors and strategies to achieve your dreams. 

Well, LifeLine is a very powerful process so you can say  “I don’t negotiate with terrorists, or make deals with the devil” 

Ps. Do you feel you have something specific holding you back? Read More

I AM free, flying high, feeling alive!  I AM strong and confident feeling alive!  I AM enthusiastic filled with the love of God feeling amazing! I AM experiencing ease and joy in every aspect of my life feeling purposeful! Infinite Love and Gratitude.

Posted on | by Alexander Gilmore

What is your life’s purpose? Are you fulfilling it with intention?  These are just some of the intentions I have had deeply programmed into my subconscious. They have been set in direct opposition to specific challenges I was experiencing at the time.  I also continue to draw strength and courage from these and other intentions that are programmed deep into my psyche by clearing limiting beliefs that needed to be knocked down, unraveled and released.

Conflict causes dissension, only through connection can we flourish.  Come join us as we experience the miraculous process of LifeLine with Lisa to live more intentionally and perform the inner work required for true personal growth and change. 

SAVE THE DATE… January 29th 3pm, Attend in person or via ZOOM as we work together for a better tomorrow.

#1. Improved self-confidence

#2. A different perspective

#3. Heightened self-awareness

#4. Create a balanced life

#5. Foster better relationships 

#6. Follow through on commitments

#7. Eliminate bad habits

#8. Achieve goals- doable, concrete, realistic 

#9. Discover clarity of purpose#10. Find Happiness






Total Family Wellness and Divine Connections Ministry together with Dr. Alexander and Lisa Gilmore  Present










A Group LifeLine® Session





This is a FREE event, the more people who participate the better effect we will have on healing our community and beyond. If you participate in person, you’re welcome to bring a healthy snack to share.





With infinite love and gratitude we invite you to participate in a group intention setting process.  Expand and grow your consciousness like never before.  We hope to fully activate the maharishi effect ( the prayer/meditative effect decreasing violence in a given region) as hundreds of people unite to bring a peace that will surpass understanding to heal humanity of destructive patterns inherited from our past. Isn’t it time we started creating/bringing heaven to earth? Are you divinely connected? Can you enhance your connection to the Divine?  We seek the most benevolent outcome and highest good and healing for all in this event. Learn about and take your abundant life score and allow change and growth to be evident as you release the subconscious and reconnect to internalized/denied/and disconnected power centers of heart, mind and will. Are you fully connected to your divine mission and purposes? Is your body free from pain, the effects of sin (death)? If we love enough and connect to infinite Source completely, will we extend our lives and become more Godlike? What will that look like? It is said that our ancient fathers lived nigh upon 1000 years, is it possible today?  How about just experiencing a more joyful existence now and healing ourselves and the planet at the same time? We all think that we perceive the truth, however perhaps we perceive what we believe instead.  Limiting beliefs passed down through generations and cultural programs inhibit the full expression of our divine connections.  Upgrade, shift, and reprogram your limiting beliefs now be empowered to change. Come set and fulfill your own intention and reprogram your sub/superconscious mind to create a more abundant life. Achieve lifetimes of spiritual and personal growth in a compressed time, a fast pass to infinite love and gratitude in your life.










Divine Connections Ministry





105 SE Greenwood Ave Questions?





Cedaredge, CO 81413                                                                                                                    970-201-9505






	


	





	

		
My short story
		

			Posted on  |  by Alexander Gilmore		

			

	

		

I’ve been on a journey the last few days.  My daughter reminded me from a psychology book she’s been reading that 80% of physical ailments have a significant emotional component.  I’ve been trying lots of different vitamins and therapies to reduce the inflammation (arthritis like) in my left fingers.  With that reminder, I looked up arthritis/fingers in 2 different books that I have:  “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die” and “The Secret Language of Your Body.”  One of the emotional contributors listed was, “Holding on to anger, shame, or resentment from childhood.”  There were others as well, but as I muscle-tested myself on which one was the priority issue for me, that’s the one that stood out.  But truthfully, I consider myself blessed with a wonderful childhood so I had a hard time connecting to anything to work with.





Later the same day, I ran across a “homework assignment” that I use with clients that I haven’t done myself, so I decided to do it.  It’s called, “write your own short story,” and is an exercise in which you write about a time in your life from a 3rd person view (someone else telling the story).  Here’s what came out of my fingers on onto the keyboard on my computer:





“Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved all things. She was bright, cheerful, and excited to live every day. She felt loved and protected by her family and knew that she was cared for. But she also learned that life is painful. Chronic ear infections plagued her sense of peace and security. The pain was unbearable at times. Her hearing began to slip away without her (or her loved ones) even noticing until she couldn’t fit nicely into her world anymore. Something had to be done. Fitted with a hearing aid, she felt disconnected from all others, knowing that she was different and physically incapable of being like the others. She compensated well, having already learned lip-reading and the hearing aid helped in so many ways, so that she could appear normal (her new goal in life).





With time, the ear infections dwindled, but she now knew that pain was a reality of life. She continued with her goal of appearing normal, even better than normal—trying to be the very best at the things she could excel at (and avoiding the things she didn’t know she could excel at or even enjoy). She always, always wore her hair down (to hide the hearing aid) and worried when she had to wear her hair up for sports. But no one seemed to notice. A boy complimented her once (age 16 or 17) and said she should wear her hair up more, but she felt embarrassed and insecure that he noticed, and that a style change meant exposing her vulnerability (difference/weakness). And did that mean her hair didn’t look nice down? Those insecurities plagued her into adulthood but with them also came a gift. Because of needing to lip read, she learned to focus, really focus on the person speaking. She became an excellent listener. She also learned compassion for others and their struggles. In time, the insecurities weakened and the gifts strengthened, and she became a girl who is bright, cheerful and excited to live every day…again.”





This was a powerful exercise for me.  I’ve lived with the hearing loss for 40 years now and don’t think about it much any more…it’s just a part of life.  I didn’t remember the level of shame and pain that accompanied that time in my life. But my fingers remember!  But today they are feeling better; I’m experiencing less pain and stiffness than yesterday.





If you’d like to write your own story and share it here, I’d love to hear it.  Thanks for reading mine!





Infinite love and gratitude,





Lisa






	


	





	

		
Keto Cheesecake Bites
		

			Posted on  |  by element		

			

	

		

I had several requests for this recipe from those of you who attended our Extravaganza! Here it is:





1 package cream cheese
1/4 cup granulated monk fruit
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 tsp. vanilla





Beat the first 2 ingredients together and let sit for 5 min. while the monk fruit dissolves.
Add the whipping cream and vanilla and continue beating till firm peaks/ridges form.
Spread into a pie tin or bread loaf pan and stick in the freezer. Cut and eat!

	


	





	

		
My brother and competition
		

			Posted on  |  by element		

			

	

		

While doing a BrainTap session yesterday, Dr. Patrick Porter led me through a meditation to free up mental space. I was doing this to improve my memory capabilities, but ended up getting way more out of it than that! Here’s the NLP exercise he led me through:





  1. Think of the first positive memory you can consciously connect to.
    For me, I remembered my brother (who’s just a year younger than me) and myself sitting on the living room floor playing together.
  2. Add lots of color to the picture, making it active and bright.
  3. Add background music like a movie would.
  4. Enjoy your little movie for a moment.
  5. Bring that positive, happy moment in life forward to today.
  6. If you have any negative memories pop up along the way, take a black and white snapshot of the memory and place it behind you in your museum or library of experiences and refocus on the positive memory again.





This exercise allows you to keep your negative experiences where you need them (for conscious reference and learning), rather than being run by them subconsciously. It frees up your mind to move forward in a positive way.
This was my first time using this exercise, and I found it helpful. First of all, I felt incredible love for my brother. He recently moved to Pennsylvania and I no longer see him in person, but we share a special bond that this exercise brought back to my remembrance. As I pondered the experience of sitting on the floor playing with him, I also noticed how comfortable and non-threatening competition was at that age. We invented little games and races, played board and card games, just having fun challenging each other. Somewhere in life, I lost that. Today, I almost despise competition. What happened?
Now that I had witnessed a positive memory of competition, I asked myself what my first negative memory of competition was. I remembered an experience in 7th grade.





I was first chair clarinet in band and had been invited by my teacher to go to a district wide honor band. The best middle school musicians, including 8th graders, came together to audition for a seat in this weekend long band. This being the first time I had ever done this, and most others there being 8th graders, I was terrified as I entered the audition room. The auditioner seemed gruff and cold. I was asked to play some scales and perform sight reading, all of which I was normally good at. But my fingers were shaking and my breath was shallow from nerves. I didn’t do well at all. But I comforted myself that at least it was over. I didn’t anticipate the feeling of humiliation that would flood over me as they announced the seats and I was dead last. I had never experienced humiliation before. I had always excelled at school and music and did fine in sports. When my parents and grandparents showed up for the concert that night, I burst into tears, telling them that I was last chair. They did their best to comfort me, which helped some. Grammy said, “You know, when you’re at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.” That stuck with me, but I made sure from then on that I would never be at the bottom again.





This small trauma in my life robbed me of the joy of competition. From then on, life was serious. I had to practice, prepare, and work harder than others to keep myself from “failing.” Now, as an adult who’s trying to raise happy, healthy, conscious children, I’ve naturally worked through some of that in order to counsel and advise them when it comes to competition. I think our culture has missed the truth about competition as well. But I also realize my gut reaction whenever there’s competition in an area I don’t feel good at. I rarely engage. I withdraw. Such protective mechanisms (that limit the humiliation, but also limit the joy)! But I think that with that positive experience with my brother anchored in mind now, I can retrain myself to look at competition in a healthy way.
The truth is that there is no bottom and there is no top, only progression. There is no failure, only experience. Time to do a LifeLine session on myself.